To be or not to be 

For those of you who don’t know, Dominic Mikal is and forever will be my best friend. I was lucky enough to have spent three and a half years with him as my boyfriend before he passed away due to the hauntingly tight grips of addiction. At the end of January, it will have been a year since he died. We will have entirely orbited around the sun without him here. We will have spent 365 days and nights without his beautiful smile lighting up a room. Someone whom I couldn’t go more than a couple hours without talking to will have been gone for 8,760 of them. That alone makes my world shatter all over again. However, this post isn’t about me. It isn’t about my addiction or his, it isn’t the story of us, it’s about him. 

We met when I was 15 and he was 17. By the time I was 16, we were head over heels in love with each other and with heroin. Our relationship was dark no doubt, any relationship living in the depths of addiction is. But even until the day he died, he never let heroin take the love out of him. He never let that needle dull his light. He died being the same beautiful flowerchild that he was when I met him. Our relationship was unhealthy to say the least, but the love we had and the things he taught me were so real and so important. As I look around at what our world has become, I realize that now more than ever, we need more souls like Dominic. So here I am, desperately trying to keep his memory alive.

He hated me at first, as I hated him. I thought he was obnoxious. He thought I was the most narcissistic spoiled bitch he had ever met. Both statements being immensely true. I had an attitude that could clear a room and an ego to match. I expected the entire world to bend down and kiss my feet. I’m sure it was absolutely disgusting but when you grow up in a rich, white suburbia, you really don’t know any way else to act. But Dominic… Dominic had this energy about him that I couldn’t stand for a while. It was exhausting to deal with. But he humbled me over the years, he taught me selflessness and humility. He taught me what love and light even meant. He taught me what it was to be a flowerchild. So at a time where good people are so few and far between, it is my job to teach the rest of the world what it means to be like Dominic. 

To be like Dominic means saying hi to every person you pass on the street with a huge smile on your face, even when they give you a weird look in response. It means giving up your seat on the bus for anyone who needs it whether it be a pregnant women, an elderly man or a 20 year old in perfect health. It means running across the street to help the woman who is struggling to carry all her bags. It means being as good of a person as you say you are, especially when no ones watching. It means making people laugh even when your heart is hurting so badly. It means picking flowers for random people and reminding them that theyre beautiful. It means spreading love and light even on your darkest days. It means to always keep the weebles a wobblin and the wobbles a weeblin. It means random calls just checking up on friends you haven’t heard from in months or tipping that server an extra couple bucks even if it’s your last. It means putting all your love into the planet you live on and the people who inhabit it with you. Now, that last part I don’t say lightly. If there was one thing I wish Dominic could have understood about this world, it would have been how to love himself as much as he loved others and as much as we loved him. Being a flowerchild is understanding the light within you and how it connects with every other living thing on this planet. Being like Dominic is the process to acknowledging that light and believing in it. Dominic by no means had this universe figured out but he got a lot further in 21 years than most people will in their entire life. This world is full of so much beauty and it’s time we start appreciating it. So just for today, try spreading love and light and as always, keep on keepin on flowerchild. 
10.25.94 – 1.27.16 

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12 thoughts on “To be or not to be 

  1. Perfect. I cried damn near the whole time reading that. I miss him so much.. you really captured his personality beautifully. and this inspired me to start helping others and to get out of my head. “it means being as good of a person as you say you are, especially when no ones watching” He was so selfless And loving to EVERYONE. this planet became a bit dimmer when we lost him.. I love you Kaliflower. 💝🌻🍀☀ Thank you for sharing this with the world. It needs to be heard.. X o x o

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  2. Your post should remind everyone that the heroin epidemic has stolen too many beautiful lives. If our beautiful flower children succumb, who’s left to inherit our world? The bitter, the cruel, the selfish and the greedy? What kind of world will that be? Kick the addiction, find the beauty in life even though it is often elusive. We need more flower children spreading love and joy. Miss you Dom!

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  3. Truly a beautiful tribute to your love. Started reading your journey randomly. I’ve never done drugs, but lost a lot of people from it. I truly am happy that you are free now. Seriously, makes my heart happy for you.

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