That new year, new me bullshit

You’re sitting on your bathroom floor cooking up your dope as midnight approaches. Youre probably promising yourself that next year will be different. You’re probably telling yourself that this is your last shot, your last bag, your last time going to cop. You’re probably looking into rehabs because this time you’re actually going to do something different for yourself. This is it. Yeah, you’ve said this a million times before but this time you really mean it. 2016 is hours away from ending and as soon as the clock hits midnight, you’ll be a different person. So you do the rest of your dope with every intention of it being your last shot and when you wake up in the morning, you will be motivated and determined to get clean. This will be your year. Right? 

Lol.

You wake up in the morning to that familiar hunger rumbling inside you as your body craves your morning shot. You may be able to ignore it. You may be able to get up and attempt to start your morning like a “normal” person. You’ll try to cook yourself breakfast as if you even have an appetite. You’ll get in the shower and try to wash all the poison out of you until you feel the water begin to sting your skin. You feel your muscles begin to burn in the most uncomfortable way. You feel nausa taking over your entire being. You slide your body down your shower wall until you’re curled up into a little ball on the floor. You know all too well that your body is going into complete withdrawal and the only thing that can make it all stop is that sweet sweet poison. 

This is the moment that traps you in addiction. This is the moment that the drug forces itself to be noticed. This is the moment that your body and mind are at its weakest and the moment that you have to be at your strongest. This is the moment that nothing changes if nothing changes. 

So, what now? This is supposed to be your year, remember?  

If youre in active addiction, sobriety looks like the most impossible thing in the world. It seems so far fetched to actually believe that you can be any happier off the streets than you are on them. It’s intimidating enough to keep you from even trying. I know that feeling all to well, I let the fear of sobriety hold me back for years but I also know how amazing it feels to be free. Sobriety will be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to face but when you’re ready to take that first step, you won’t be alone. You don’t need a new year to become a new person, but if you want to do something different this year, try fighting for your life. Try valuing your life. Try actually live your life, ya know? Even if you don’t believe in yourself, I do. We have lost too many souls this year to opiates alone. Make this your year. The world needs you. 

Happy New Years, beautiful people! Be safe, stay clean. Love and light always. 

For NA / AA meetings – 

http://m.na.org

http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-local-aa

Addiction Hotline –
 1-888-744-0069

Suicide Hotline –

1-(800) 273-8255

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3 thoughts on “That new year, new me bullshit

  1. I love you so much. Yes I’ve never met you in person but being clean boot the same amount of time as you, seeing what I’ve seen doing what I’ve done I feel a connection with you so much. I’m 11 years older than you and so fucking proud of you and what your doing. You stopped far before I could. Your amazing baby girl. Don’t ever stop doing what your doing.

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  2. Oh my gosh you described me to a t I have been there and done this all I was a addict for 8 years I said those things I always promised myself I was going to stop but when the withdraw started I gave in to me it was easier to go cop dope instead if going to treatment thank you for your stories of your addiction and stay clean I have almost 4 years clean my sobriety date is 6/13/ 13.

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