The controversy of the century. Can marijuana and sobriety go together?
I’m a couple days away from having 8 months heroin free, needle free, rolled up dollar bill free. At the end of August, I will have a year clean from meth. Every single day for the past 8 months Ive smoked weed and never, for a second, will I let any of you discredit my sobriety because of it.
See, I’m going to explain my side of things from different perspectives so that if you’re reading this, hopefully you’ll fit into one of them and see things a little more clearly.
For all my 12 steppers who discredit any sobriety that doesn’t look like yours, including all the people who turned their back on me in NA, this one’s for you. You guys like to preach that you’re not allowed to do any mind altering substances while in the program however you allow Seroquel, Adderall, Xanax, Zoloft, Prozac…. shall I go on? You people hate weed so much but you’re constantly feeding into the pharmacy companies and building all new addictions for newly sober people. While I was in rehab and then sober living, you all told me the solution to my sleeping problem was Seroquel and for 9 months, I believed you. But then I grew tired of having another addiction to worry about, another substance I couldn’t function without. And so guess who had to LITERALLY withdrawal from seroquel after those 9 months? Guess who stayed up for days tossing and turning and resorted back to heroin JUST TO SLEEP AGAIN? Me. I was 100% dependant on Seroquel and got fucked up from it every night but yet, you all said that was okay. “It’s just the medicine, it makes you groggy but youre sleeping right?!” If you can look me dead in the eye and say none of the prescription medicine taken in sober living isn’t mind altering, I will laugh my ass off. Thats literally the point of anxiety, depression and mood stablizing medicine – TO ALTER YOUR BRAIN CHEMISTY. So whatever argument you want to hit me with about ingesting a mind altering substance is invaild as fuck. But trust me, I’m all for whatever you need to stay off your drug of choice so don’t think I’m bashing you but don’t you dare try and tell me that taking a hit and 10 minutes later being stoned and taking a seroquel and 20 minutes later being slumped is any different.
Now, to the people who think weed is replacing one addiction with another, this is for you… even though I don’t have much to say because that’s just insane. If you really think smoking a legal, natural, motherfucking plant is equivalent to putting a needle full of fatal poison into your vein every 30 minutes…. you just need education. I got nothing.
To be clear, I do not think weed is the first thing you should try when getting sober. I think you should try the rehabs, the sober living, the AA meetings. I think when you first get sober, you need to be completely fucking sober. And that means presciption medicine, too. My thoughts on that are purely from experience. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2, general anxiety, depression and panic disorder at the age of 16. Little did anyone know I was just a moody 16 year old on heroin and the only diagnoses that ended being ME and not the drugs was panic disorder.
When you first go into rehab, you’re a mess. You’re sober for the first time in years and the psychiatrist calls you into his office getting info on your mental health history and blah blah blah. Most of us walk out of that office with whatever sleeping pills and mood stablizers we asked for, literally down to the brand. After a few rounds of rehab, I learned that seroquil fucked me up so I made sure they gave me that and not something that, god forbid, just made me sleep. But that power should not be given to a fucking drug addict who is like 6 days clean. Only 1 out of the 4 rehabs I went to refused to give clients meds unless it was life threatening for the first 10 days. I fucking hated it then but looking at it now, EVERY REHAB NEEDS TO DO THIS. There is no way you can properly diagnose someone with any mental disorder in their first weeks or month of sobriety so why rehabs allow clients to go in there and literally chose their own medication is beyond me. When you first get clean, you need and deserve time to figure out who you are without the drugs.
With that being said, this one is for the addicts who feel like they need another option. The addicts who keep trying this program that they see working for everyone else but not for them. The addicts who have been there, done that when it comes to rehab, hours of AA meetings a week and sober living, and it just isn’t sticking. I know that all too well. I will never recommend smoking weed for everyone or even for a majority of recovering addicts because only you know yourself. I told my mom numerous times throughout my year in AA and sober living, “if I could just smoke weed man.” She always thought that was a cop out, and rightly so, but I knew myself and I knew what weed did for me and I was hoping it would help me. And it has. Let me again emphasise this concept, I watched my best friend, who is also in recovery, smoke weed for the first time and go right back to heroin 2 days later. IT IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. Just like suboxone. Just like AA. Sobriety is not, IS NOT, a one size fits all deal.
Sobriety is the opposite of a one size fits all. Every person is different. Every person needs different things to recover and every persons recovery looks different. So for all the utterly confused, egotistcal, judgemental drug addicts, (I mean really, you’d would think we would be the least judgey people ever) before you judge somebody elses sobriety, take a huge step back and ask yourself, who in the actual fuck do you think you are to say that your way is the right way? You are, in fact, not God. You, being a recovering drug addict, are the furthest thing from perfect and I’m not exactly sure why your ego is allowing you to discredit someone else’s life changing decision.
Lastly, for the people who aren’t in recovery and aren’t dealing with addiction first hand and still like to criticize addicts like it’s your job, just sit the fuck down. I don’t even know why you think you should have an opinion on this anyway.
So whether you’re on suboxone, methadone, vivitrol, marijuana maintenance, prescription pills, whatever the fuck is keeping you sober, I applaud you. If you stayed away from any and all drugs harmful to YOUR well being today, I’m fucking proud of you. Don’t ever ever ever let anybody dull your shine.
Peace and blessins xo 🙃